"Why am I depressed"- A poem

3 minute read

“My perspective in depression”

Ownership. Why would you want to “own” something you don’t want to possess? But if it is a part of you, why do you want to hate it? Doesn’t everything want love? Hurt hurts because it doesn’t feel loved. So if you refuse to love it, you continue to hurt it.

Deep within the aching heart is a longing for more love, for more kindness, for more space for something to be itself as it is. Hatred never healed. Rejection is not the way to health. If it is a part of you, love it into freedom. Love yourself into freedom. There is no hurt that ever healed with more rejection, more intolerance, more shame and guilt at feeling hurt. The pressure to feel something else. The pressure to look at your depression as a beast to bury down or fix. Only reinforces that there is something inside you that should be avoided, shunned, or that is unlovable. They want you to love yourself but they cannot love your depression!

They want you to not want to escape yourself but refuse to meet you where you are. They project their fear of aversion of you onto you and reinforce your feeling that there is in fact something seriously abhorrent within you that you must at all costs look away from.

💔😞 My heart breaks. My heart breaks at the world that makes you think there is something wrong with you.

The world that makes you think there is anything inside you that exists outside of the reach of love. 🥺 Of course you hurt. The world has made you feel as if you are unloveable. And you have believed them...

There is no corner of your mind a light of love cannot shine. No corner of your pain that is unreasonable or unloveable. And all those people who made you turn on yourself in rejection of what you feel, they rejected in themselves what they felt in trying to meet you. And they couldn’t meet it. They asked you to stay and face what they ran from. It is an unfair request on you, on top of your own heavy feeling. That you should carry anybody else’s emotions is more than you ever needed to do. Especially if in holding their emotions, they made you turn on your own.

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The pain of chasing presence is the heart ❤️ of the ache. You did not have to fight to be seen. You knew the pain of the refusal to meet you. And the more you do as they say and hate yourself, the more they cannot bear to look at you. And so the more you learn you are unloveable. Wow. ❤️What a vicious cycle to find yourself in.

There is no enemy inside you. There is nothing wrong with you. You just feel.

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You just hurt.

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You just wanted to be loved.

That is all, aching heart of mine. Yes “mine”. Why would I want to do away with you? Only in pain. But without you, I hurt more. When I turn away from you, I hurt more, not less. But you are mine and I love you. As you always wanted someone to.